Italy

Rome – Part I In the inaugural games in the Colosseum, the historian Cassius Dio claims over nine thousand animals were killed for sport. That is such an oddly specific number and it sticks in my brain like a thumbtack. The structure itself was likely financed with the sacking of Jerusalem around 67 AD. Josephus tells […]

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I pay my bills on time

These sorts of questionnaires are not uncommon in my industry, and, in general, I don’t resent them. I am certain any tech job listing gets inundated with well-meaning dolts who have just learned how to put the right acronyms on resumes but have no experience or talent. Hey, fair enough.  I don’t mind having to […]

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I Smash Rocks

An open letter to Bally Sports, AT&T, and Spectrum: Hello fellow cocaine enthusiasts! I hate to interrupt what must be an exciting day of yacht racing in Dubai with Mitt Romney, but I’m afraid I must. It’s regarding your cable television products, and how much I hate them, and how much I hate you, because […]

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We cannot cancel your gym membership

In my thirties, I got a bit chunky. Not an unreasonable level of chunky, I’d just accumulated enough body fat for a passer-by to think “that man could not jog for more than ten minutes without needing a coronary.”  I’ve heard this referred to, in my line of work, as “programmer gut” and hearing that […]

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Amazon Reviews

I dislike being asked to write online reviews. It’s a lot like going to a concert and hearing the artist beg the audience for increasing, but always unsatisfactory levels of enthusiasm. “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” gets followed with “AW, COME ON, YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!” and it makes me want to find musicians […]

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Office of the Collector of Revenue

Mr. [REDACTED],  I am emailing you pursuant to the letter I received from your office postmarked 9/30. It appears to be a request for payment in regards to a new earnings tax.  I have already paid an earnings tax to your office as recently as 8/31 (Confirmation #[REDACTED]). Please confirm your receipt of that payment.  […]

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