Assessment – LimaDrive

Welcome to your Assessment

Stacy works for a company that fired 40% of its staff. Of those 40% that were fired, if 11% wrote a bad review on Glassdoor, how many more people do you need to preemptively fire next?

4

40

Now no one can be trusted, the entire company must fold

Your idiot employee, Juan, has made the dumb mistake of getting pancreatic cancer like a moron. As a result, he is 10 days late on his cable bill. What sort of punishment is appropriate?

Public flogging

CPS visit

Immediate revocation of his health insurance benefits

Your human resources manager has wasted a large amount of company money on ineffective candidate assessment software. You should:

Get in touch with the software company and ask if they have any more worthless products we could buy

Ask for a second lobotomy to improve your ‘Sarcasm’ quadrant score

Berate the human resources manager for falling for the sort of common swindler tricks one usually finds at traveling carnivals

Keeping in mind that "you don't score on 100% of shots you don't take", how many goals would Wayne Gretzky have scored on if he had taken 100% of the shots that he himself did not take during 20% of his away games on every other Thursday? (excluding leap years)

20

12

200

You have just returned to your mansion after an exhausting day of dressage only to discover your butler has once again ordered the wrong brand of champagne. The best way to correct him would be to:

Cut his parsnips rations by 30%

Order a custom ‘DUNCE’ codpiece and force him to wear it over his uniform

Have him deported (bear in mind in the past he had also made fun of the way your legs look in your dressage performance slacks)

CORPORATE is to BOOTLICKER as…

EMPLOYEE is to GOOD

PAPRIKA is to SECRET SAUCE

MAGIC WIZARD is to DON’T ASK ABOUT THE MAGIC WIZARD

LAYOFFS is to WORKFORCE as…

NEW YACHT is to CEO

CORPORATE TAXES is to BUMMER

HANDSY EXECUTIVES is to LOSING COURT CASE

Assume the first (2) statements are true, which answer makes the most sense?

You have gone insane with rage after being bit by a rabid bat
You inwardly suspect your own insanity was not caused by the bite, at least not initially

The bat is to blame for this

I have blamed the bat in error

The error was in focusing on the bat at all in the first place

Assume the first (2) statements are true, which answer makes the most sense?

You meet two guards who are guarding two doors
One guard always lies when asked a question that ends in a “G” or an “E” and one guard only tells the truth when the other guard lies first

I should ask one guard what the other guard’s least favorite letters to end a question with might be

should ask the guard who doesn’t lie if his job has benefits and if they are hirin’ with an accent so I don’t use a “G”

Assume the first (4) statements are true, which answer makes the most sense?

You can dance if you want to
You can leave your friends behind
Your friends don’t dance
And if they don’t dance they’re no friends of mine

Dancing is a questionable method of friend analysis

This issue might be best resolved by making friends who you are certain are not opposed to dancing

Ahmed's marketing budget is set at 32% of all GROSS international retail revenue before EBITDA except for the South American market which is 7% less than 14% of that other number I said before. What new number am I thinking about now? Or did you fall into the dungeon master's trap, you fool!?

7

2%

I fell into the trap dungeon master sir

Your new secretary, Habakkuk, placed three plastic cups on the table. Lifting the one in the middle, he slips a bouncy ball under the cup. He shuffles the cups around and asks you to identify which one the ball is now under. You should:

Promote Habakkuk to VP of Talent Acquisition

Calmly explain to Habakkuk that this is not the way we do business here and then ask him multiple choice questions until he loses the will to live

Politely excuse yourself and then immediately call Mother and have her explain this scary new magic at once

Assume (1) of the following (3) statements are true, which answer makes the most sense?

You have recently been outsmarted by a crow
You have accidentally stumbled into an active volcano
You were lured into an active volcano by a crow with a hot dog in its mouth

Want hot dog

I should ask the crow how I can be more proactive and less reactive in the future

What should come next in this sequence?

(Σ σ/ς) = Σ

Want hot dog

(β – ξ) = Ψ

My company pays its vendors on time

Always true

Mostly true

Sometimes true and sometimes hot dog

Mostly false

Always false

My company has a reasonable work/life balance

Always true

Mostly true

I have only said ‘get back to work you poors!’ three times this week which is a real improvement

Mostly false

Always false

My company offers a fair salary and competitive benefits

Haha

Hahaha

Oh, you’re serious?

Hahahaha

What should come next in the sequence?

More hot dog

Another crow but bigger

Executive with second degree volcano burns

I am able to stay motivated after being outsmarted by birds

True

False

My company has never made a mistake with payroll

False

My company has never settled out of court with an employee over a human resources issue

A settlement is not an admission of guilt

You don’t understand he was a loud chewer

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